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Obviously here at rentmymelons, it’s obvious what I do with melons, but since I don’t know what you do with melons in the privacy of your own home, here are some tips from Dan DeLano, environmental health specialist with Olmsted County Public Health.

• Buy cantaloupes free of bruises or damage. Be sure fresh-cut cantaloupe is refrigerated or surrounded by ice.
• Refrigerate promptly after purchase.
• Wash hands with hot, soapy water before and after handling fresh cantaloupes.
• Scrub whole cantaloupes with a clean produce brush and cool tap water immediately before eating. Don’t use soap or detergents.
• Use clean cutting surfaces and utensils when slicing. Wash cutting boards, countertops, dishes, and utensils with hot water and soap between the preparation of raw meat, poultry, or seafood and the preparation of cantaloupe to avoid cross contamination.
• Cut away bruised or damaged melon parts before eating the remainder.
• Leftover cut melon should be thrown away if left at room temperature for more than two hours.
• Use a cooler with ice or use ice gel packs when transporting or storing cantaloupes outdoors.
• DeLano said it’s important with both cantaloupes and watermelon to wash your hands well before cutting a slice.
• “Melons will keep better if they’re cold,” he said. “So if you put the melon in the refrigerator before you process it, it’ll be great. Then it’s already at 40 degrees.
• Don’t eat cut melon that’s been sitting out longer than four hours, DeLano said.

Why should you do all this when melons look so harmless (and even perhaps a bit sexy)?

“The melon is providing pretty good medium for bacteria to grow,” DeLano said. Ideal conditions for bacteria to proliferate include moisture, warmth, a food source and enough time under those conditions to allow growth.

So a melon that’s been sitting in the sunshine with a little dew on an exposed rind is a perfect growing medium. So is one that’s been in a grocery sack in your car for a little longer than you expected.

“The netted rind is more difficult to clean, and it can pick up bacteria from the ground, which is where they grow and it can also pick up things through the handling process,” DeLano said.

“Bacteria have a dormant phase of about one or two hours, and then they begin to grow,” he said. “To kind of nip that in the bud, having a four-hour unrefrigerated time would be the maximum time you’d want to leave it out.”

I agree.

Melons should be fun. They’re juicy, tasty and well… they’re fun to play with.

And yes… I am still talking about the actual fruit melons! (Though I think at least half the population would also agree that the ‘other’ kind of melons are fun to play with too.) Obviously I think they’re fun to play with… have you checked the photo in the top right sidebar?

You could play too.

Here’s how.

[Melon safety information source]

Posted on September 9th, 2008 by admin
Filed under: The Factual Side of Melons, The Kitchen Side of Melons, The News on Melons | No Comments »

I’m not even joking. I didn’t make this up. It’s totally true.

Snippets from this article explain. You can read more here.

Fatheaded hockey players are more aggressive than their slimmer-faced counterparts, a St. Catharines, Ont., study has found.

Results of the study, published Wednesday in the prestigious Proceedings of the Royal Society, concluded of the six Canadian-based NHL teams, the faces of the Ottawa Senators are dead giveaways when it comes to predicting how much time players spend in the penalty box.

Changes in male facial shape start at puberty, when boys are exposed to the influences of testosterone, a hormone that also sparks aggressive behaviour.

Among the male students, those with wide faces were more likely to play the video game aggressively, even downright vengefully.

So if you think you have a big melon, or if you just like big melons, why not become a melonhead? Go ahead… do it. At least then you’ll know I won’t get some fatheaded hockey player to come after you and ask you why you haven’t yet.

Posted on September 9th, 2008 by admin
Filed under: Melons in the News, The Fun Side of Melons, The Ridiculous Side of Melons | No Comments »

According to this article at The Sun, apparently Montag (The Hills) was out shopping and decided to give onlookers a thrill by holding up a set of melons to her chest. Later, she did the same with a pair of oranges.

I’d like to know why, if Montag was going to behave like a boob and copycat the silliness here, she didn’t have the (melon)balls to take her shirt off?

Since the photo itself is copyright to The Sun, you’ll have to be satisfied with a shrunken screen cap of the website.

If you’d like to view the actual photo in all its melon-y goodness (albeit bittermelons… since she’s stealin’ my thunder) you’ll have to click here and visit their site.

My new and improved fraccy melon photo will be up shortly, as will the links to order a melon (or a link).

I’m sure you’ll be back for that.

Oh… and there’s no chance in hell  I could use oranges.

Posted on September 2nd, 2008 by admin
Filed under: The Fun Side of Melons, The News on Melons, The Ridiculous Side of Melons, The Sexy Side of Melons | No Comments »

Q: What does a $55 watermelon look like?

A: It looks the same as a $6 watermelon does in Saskatchewan.

“Residents of a community in northern Labrador say they are furious about the cost of a watermelon at a local grocery store.

The Labrador Investments store in Nain was selling a watermelon with a sticker price of $55.41.

By Friday afternoon, however, the watermelon was no longer on the shelf, and the store manager refused to comment on what happened to it.

The manager said that despite the price tag, the melon’s actual price should have been $38.”

Living in a prairie province, I know I’ve complained about the cost of fresh produce in the winter, but from here on, I will try complain only when I have something really worthy to complain about.

According to the CBC article…

“Erickson said the issue is no laughing matter, as both the federal and Newfoundland and Labrador governments spend hundreds of thousands of dollars each year to subsidize the cost of transporting perishable items to Labrador’s north coast.

Just two weeks ago, the program was extended to include the summer shipping season.

Erickson said healthy foods like watermelon continue to cost more than most people in Nain can afford.”

Indeed.

If only the future could move faster, and our nutritional needs could be met in the manner those wacky Jetsons are accustomed to, people wouldn’t have to fret over $55 watermelons.

Then again, I’m sure someone would find a reason to charge $55 for the pill.

Posted on August 27th, 2008 by admin
Filed under: Melons in the News, The Ridiculous Side of Melons | 3 Comments »

German newspaper Bild quoted sexologist Piero Lorenzoni:

“A woman’s breasts denote a woman’s character, just like her star sign.”

Indeed, the Italian sex researcher claims he can tell a woman’s personality from the size and shape of her breasts, categorizing breasts according to fruits.

Big deal… isn’t that what men have always done?

Nevertheless, he offers ‘plum‘ advice to men who would like to choose their mate by her breasts.

• Traditional melon: According to Lorenzoni, a woman with large, round breasts like a melon may appear motherly, but is far from it. “She likes eating and wants to be spoiled and admired. But seldom likes sex,” he said.
• Lemon Breasts: Men who want someone a bit more lively should choose a woman with “lemon” breasts - pert and prominent. “These women are full of life and can laugh at themselves. They want a balanced life without surprises.”
• Pineapple Breasts: Pert, oval-shaped breasts are for Lorenzoni, like pineapples. He says, “A woman with pineapple breasts is intelligent, often has a career but is still romantic. They are also faithful. Whoever wins their heart will not lose it quickly.”
• Grapefruit-shaped Breasts:  These breasts, pert and firm - are also not a good sign for good sex. “This woman may look erotic, but in reality is bashful and homely. She spoils her partner but prefers tenderness over sex.”
• Orange Breasts: Even women with “oranges” are not going to turn up the temperature between the sheets. “While she is self-confident and knows her goals, she has little interest in sex. She likes conversation and partnerships.”
• Cherry Breasts: Small breasted women, with assets that resemble cherries are “funny and very exciting. They are entertaining and intelligent. Make great partners both for everyday life and on holiday and are moderately interested in sex,” says the researcher.
• Pear Breasts: A woman with pear-shaped breasts “Loves love in all its variations. She can be very religious, but is known to have affairs.”

[Source]

Here’s my challenge for you… and you don’t have to tell your results, but if you want to… I won’t stop you.

Women… take all your clothes off. Ok, wait. First go to the store and purchase the following list:

1. Two melons. Like honeydew or cantaloupe.
2. Two lemons, and I don’t care if they’re those trendy ‘Meyer’ ones or not.
3. Two pineapples. Not sure where the tops fits in, but what the heck.
4. Two grapefruits. Any kind are ok for shape but Ruby Red sure have a nice color, don’t they?
5. Two oranges. Sure… buy navel. You can pretend the navels are nipples.
6. Two cherries. Tell the cashier to frac off if she’s ticked she has to weigh out only two cherries.
7. Two pears. You choose. Anjou and Bosc have different shapes to them. I have no idea what your breasts look like.

So now you’re at home with your giant basket of fruit. Now take your clothes off and stand in front of the mirror. In turn, hold up each set of fruit to see which one resembles your naked breasts.

Need a real life sample? The Sun has one here.

Done? Any fit? No? I can’t help you then, you must have really weird boobs. The rest of you may move on to the next part.

Now… look to the following list of sexual personality types. Print it out if you need to. Choose yours. Be honest!

• A: Do you appear motherly but are secretly far from it? Do you like eating? Do you want to be spoiled and admired? Do you secretly not like sex?
• B: Are you full of life? Can you laugh at yourself? Do you want a balanced life without surprises?
• C: Are you intelligent? Do you have a career but are still a romantic at heart? Are you faithful? Do you flip-flop from romance to romance or are you faithful and loyal?
• D: Do you look sexy but deep down, are bashful? Do you put your partner before yourself? Do you secretly prefer cuddling and romance over actual sex? 
• E: Are you self-confident and know yourself but secretly have little interest in sex? Do you prefer conversation and friendship over romance?
• F: Are you funny? Do you like to live a life of excitement? Are you entertaining and intelligent? Are you moderately interested in sex?
• G: Do you love love and everything about it? Are you known to want affairs?

Here’s the breakdown. Which fruit did your breasts most resemble? Keep in mind this isn’t going to work for anyone with breast implants… we’re talking natural breasts only. Sorry. The rest of you will have to carry on confusing your men because they can’t match you up to a fruit.

If you have Melon breasts, you should have chosen A as your sexual personality.
If you have Lemon breasts, you should’ve chosen B as your sexual personality.
If you have Pineapple breasts, you should’ve chosen C as your sexual personality.
If you have Grapefruit breasts, you should’ve chosen D as your sexual personality.
If you have Orange breasts, you should’ve chosen E as your sexual personality.
If you have Cherry breasts, you should’ve chosen F as your sexual personality.
If you have Pear breasts, you should’ve chosen G as your sexual personality.

If you don’t match up, then frankly, sexologist Piero Lorenzoni is either a banana-brain, or his brain’s in his banana.

Actually, in setting up this little quiz, I realized that most of his sexual personality types were quite negative. It seems to me, that perhaps sexologist Piero Lorenzoni has just not found himself a good woman.

Or perhaps he has, and she did a similar quiz about his manly bits which resulted in her preferring a big ole Polski Ogorki to a baby dill. That seems the more likely to me, because most men I know are happy with darn near any fruit they can get… so long as it’s peeled.

Posted on August 25th, 2008 by admin
Filed under: The Fun Side of Melons, The Ridiculous Side of Melons, The Sexy Side of Melons | 4 Comments »